so since i am home today i decided to make me a yummy lunch.

i love egg salad and have managed to find a way to eat it without going on calorie and fat overload.

first only use egg whites and maybe one yolk. today i used five eggs, four egg whites and one egg yolk. still turns out yummy.

fat free mayo and dijon mustard are a mustard. you would not believe the kick the mustard gives it.

salt, pepper, and onion powder (since i didn't have onions).

voila...egg salad!

toasted whole wheat english muffins, topped with egg salad, then with fresh spinach and tomatoes.

complete with two mini dill pickles and baked lays.

oh and don't forget the diet cherry vanilla dr. pepper.

yum!

there's also enough left over to take withme to work one day this week.

what have ya'll been eating for lunch?

well, an almost week of not weighing myself (okay, so i cheated once and weighed myself yesterday. i know, i should be ashamed of myself ;) resulted in this.

i'm pretty excited about it. another pound down. five more to get under 150.

i think i can. i think i can. i think i can.
i know i can. i know i can. i know i can.

yesterday upon finding a gc for lowes in my wallet i went there to finally get a full length mirror. i haven't seen my legs and a good shot of my ass in a looong time. not b/c i didn't want to but b/c i always forget to get a mirror at the store.

so this morning upon standing in front of this mirror, butt ass neked, i started to look at my body. really look at my body. now most of the time when i look, i look for all the problem spots. lower belly hanging from 2 c-sections, arms could using a lil toning, blah blah.

but today, i looked for the good things. the wonderful improvments then i have made with 34 pounds off my body. this made me think. why am i constantly wanting to see the bad things about my body? why do i do that to myself? why do i let my hubby tell me how beautiful i am and how much he *loves* my ass to turn around and tell him that he has to say these things b/c he's my hubby? why do i doubt why men in public are beginning to look at me? (this is not meant to be vain, it actually makes me uncomfortable b/c i think they are looking b/c something is wrong. i know huh...get some self esteem girl!).

why can't i just see the beauty in myself?

so with that said, i am going to try on a regular basis to focus on at least one beautiful thing about myself. whether it be inside or out.

i'm starting today and ask you to do the same.

tell me three thing about yourself that you love. that you really truly love. i also encourage you to post them on your blog. one day when you are feeling a lil down and out, i want you to find that post and read just a few of the things that make you the beautiful person that you are.

i'll start:

1. i love my eyes. my eyes are this amazing "toad color". "toad" you ask? well they are these dark olive green color with brown flecks all over the place. they turn a brighter shade of green when i have been drinking a lot (whooo-haaa) or if i have been crying a lot. some may call that hazel, i call it "toad".

2. my collar bone. since losing all this weight, you can actually see it. i love touching it along with the upper part of my chest (before you get all kinky, i'm talking about the area under my neck and before my hoots). this used to be such a fleshy/chubby area and now its flat and has definition to it.

3. my imagination. i love that i have such a vivid and wild imagination. i have been like this all my love and its something that i am glad that i have passed on to my kiddos. i think imagination is everything and i'm glad that i have it.

okay, now its your turn.

okay, so far i haven't weighed myself since yesterday at lunch. i think thats quite the accomplishment since i am dying to hop on. but i'm hoping that weighing only on tuesday's will show more signs of improvement.

i also haven't had candy in...hold on lemme count...52 hours. wow! i think its the longest i have ever gone without a piece of candy (aside from a mint or a piece of gum). i'm hoping this helps too!

i'm thinking of picking up this and
this for both me and the kids (well mostly me...lol).

as some of you could prolly tell from yesterday's post, this is very important to me and i plan to read a lot on their website. everytime i see the commercial for this i get all teary-eyed. i don't want my daughter at the age of 7 feel that she needs to be on a diet. how has this happened???

anyway, before i get on my soapbox and get all teary-eyed just thinking about it, i'm going to go. but i encourage each of you to check it out. especially if you are anything like me and have dealt/are still dealing with low self esteem.

oh, and today's lil blip of encouragement:

get rid of all clothes that don't fit. wearing tight clothing only emphasizes to yourself how "not right" your body is.

okay, just so you didn't think that i forgot all about this week's weigh in (tuesday was mardi gras and i was off of work so my a.m. routine was messed up. wednesday i weighed and the picture turned out like shit. but rest assured. today's weigh in is the same as wednesday's).

i'm really frustrated with this b/c i can't seem to escaped this range in the 150's.

i'm hoping that next week is a week of improvement. i mean no candy for a week and a buncha water should do the trick.

i swear, i think i went to the bathroom at work over ten times today. i hardly go ten times in a week :)

I know that I have said before that I am addicted to weighing myself, but I don’t think that I have really admitted on here how addicted I am to it.

Seriously, there should be a support group for me. I weigh myself on an average of five plus times a day. Did you hear me? Five friggin’ times a day.

That is insane. There is no need for it.

How it started was last year, when I decided to take this weightloss challenge, I really didn’t want to be tied down to points. I knew how weight watchers worked and had learned at this point a good estimate of how much points were in something by looking at it. I wanted to change my eating style, not constantly worrying about points.

So everyday was a journey. I watched what I ate. Made healthier choices but ate what I want in a smaller portion if I wanted something. I also drank an assload of water. So not knowing if this was going to work or not, I started to weight myself every morning to see if it was working. I figured that if I waited a week or so to weigh and it didn’t work, then I was wasting a week of going on weight watchers if that was what I was going to have to do. Seriously, how stupid does that sound?

I noticed that the weight was coming off on a daily/bi-daily basis and that is how the cycle began. Now there were times when I didn’t/couldn’t weigh myself on a daily basis (take hurricane Katrina for example) but after things got back to “normal” I fell off the wagon and started this ridiculous cycle of daily weigh-ins.

This is pretty much how it goes:

1. weigh myself when I first wake up, naked, and before I get in the shower.
2. weigh myself again after I go to the “bathroom”. Again naked.
3. if I don’t like that number, I usually weight a lil bit again and weigh myself.
4. weigh myself once I get home.
5. weigh myself after dinner and before I go to bed.

Now this is on any given day and sometimes there are more times then this.

I mean as I sit back and look at what I just typed, I’m extremely embarrassed. Is this really something that I want the world to see? Is it something that I am willing to admit and try to overcome? I mean I am beginning to wonder if this is slowing my process down.

I know I haven’t posted a pic of this week’s weigh in (I will once I get home tonight though) but I can tell you know that it is a + 0.5 lb. From last week. I am constantly hovering anywhere from 156-154.5. I don’t know what to do to get past that and now I really am wondering if hoppin’ on that scale so much is slowing my efforts down. I really wanna wait until next Tuesday before I weigh myself again, but I am so afraid that not weighing myself everyday will cause me to be slack.

Is this stupid or what? Can anyone out there relate to this?

On a quick side note, I am hoping that one thing that will help me get outta that 156-154.5 death zone is the fact that I gave up candy for lent. Now, don’t go thinking that I am this big religious person b/c I am far from that. Actually I have a bet going with someone at work to see if we can go without something for the forty days. His is cussin’, my is candy. I haven’t made it thru the first 24 hours yet and I’m jones-in’. I’m hoping that this will help.



edited to add: when i got home today, i had a great lil pamphlet from dove with coupons, advertisements for a couple of their new products, and a lil bit of inspiration.

this was one of the lil pieces of inspiration that i thought was so appropriate based on this post today:

scales belong on a fish. try to wean yourself off the scales. too many people allow the scales to dictate how their life is going to be.

how wonderful is that????

you can also go here for more self-esteem exercises and tips.